Verbal Vomit

I realized that I am not entirely aware of 'Blog manners' concerning what is and is not appropriate to post, so I apologize if I over step my bounds. I don't want to come across as one of those overly emotional teenagers who publishes their personal lives for the world to read, but this is significant to me (and is therapeutic if nothing else). Anyways, let the verbal vomit begin.

I broke up with my boyfriend on Thursday. Keep in mind, I'm not looking for sympathy (like I said, I "broke up" with him). In fact, we ended on very good terms and agreed to work on becoming better friends. And I can honestly say that I don't regret anything. Yes, the relationship didn't and couldn't lead anywhere and that has been hard for me, but I learned so much about myself and what I want out of a relationship in general these past few months (the last few days especially).

I never understood before why people would say that best friends make the best boyfriends. I always responded with, "but if you don't work out, you've lost a friend." I now see that all those people were right. You really do need that friendship foundation in place first. For example, near the end of the relationship I realized that I wasn't myself around him and wasn't comfortable speaking freely. Not only that, but I didn't like the person I became. It wasn't me. But if you are able to be friends with the person before all of the physical factors and tension come into the picture, I imagine that it would make everything that much easier because you'd already know that you can be yourself and that the potential-significant-other would still accept you. Another reason why forming a friendship first is such a good idea is because I've noticed that when you're so caught up in the moment and the thrill of it all, you don't see the person clearly. You subconsciously try so hard to make everything about the person perfect that you overlook the things about them that don't necessarily compliment your personality.

I always thought of myself as a mature person for my age. But looking back, I realize that my attitude towards relationships was very, very immature. I would see a cute boy and decide I liked him purely based on physical aspects. I always knew that relationships were deeper than that, but as someone who had never really gotten to that point in a relationship, it was hard to relate. I've discovered now that if there isn't any sort of mental, or rather intellectual, connection and if you can't bounce ideas off of each other or ever talk about anything of significance, it really doesn't matter how good-looking the person is. You reach a point where you crave something deeper that no amount of charming smiles can fulfill.

I probably sound extremely naive right now, but I don't mind because I know that I have learned so much. And don't worry, I realize that most of my comments were purely speculative. One day I'll look back and roll my eyes at what I've just written. I just feel the need to write this down because my perspective has been dramatically altered. I guess this post was more for me to vent and get all of my ideas out, so I apologize to all of you who sat through it. I also apologize if I divulged too much personal information.